Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Going to Court thinking about everything else

Court for single dads.

What better way to start my blog than quoting Genesis? Against all Odds baby. Bet you were thinking the Bible weren't you? The Bible doesn't tell us how to deal with angry ex-wives or complicated court cases but Phil Collins certainly sums it up. Men have to overcome amazing odds when we want to see our children. The system doesn't take into account that women can be just as abusive as men in many more ways than just physical. And society has stereotypes and prejudices every step of the way.

I am currently involved in my own custody case as well as a close personal friends case. We have similar parenting styles and our kids are roughly 4 years apart. He has a girl, I have a boy. We both have modest incomes (under 30g's ), were raised in East Van and had parents that were separated. Going in and out of court for our kids has been an upward battle and we have both decided to do what we can for single dads who want to spend time with their daughters. This blog will chronicle our battles and how they have affected our life.

In my personal life, I have been learning to deal with stress and how to overcome depression without prescription drugs (More on that later). Being able to meditate and be thankful for the opportunity to be in front of a judge pleading my case really helped my nerves. I found a table, sat down and closed my eyes than prayed. I realize why I'm in court and what I could of done to prevent it. As I dissected my situation in my head and thought about why I'm in court I found no anger in my answer. I was in court so that I could spend as much time with my son as his mom does. This was not a bad thing, I was not doing this as an act of revenge. I honestly want what is best for my son. I know he needs his mom and his dad regardless of how I feel about his mom or the things she teaches him.

Being honest with our kids is so important. It's also really easy to get caught up in white lies or trying to simplify truth for kids or mislead them in the name of good. If your child sees you cry when your upset do you tell them you had something in your eye or tell them to go away? Or do you ask for a hug? In being honest with my son, I have really learned to be more honest with myself. It's hard to live truthfully and honestly when people around do the OPPOSITE. But every now and then I pass a poster of some famous person who has held a high standard of living like Malcom X and I'm proud of myself. And I don't need any body but me to be proud at that moment.

I would love to scold the system, blame people and be miserable but my body can't handle the anxiety. Stress makes me physically ill and id bet my bottom dollar that your body cant handle it either. The answer is not prescription drugs neighbours. It is the Truth. And the truth is Love. If my decision of wanting to spend as much time with my son as his mom does was a decision based not on truth but the opposite, fear, I would have wanted that Bitch to have nothing to do with him and she doesn't deserve to see him. But that isn't my sons reality and thus not the truth. So I would like to encourage all you single dads out there to get yourself healthy, and pursue your own personal truths. Find out if what you perceive AS real IS real. Is there an opinion that you have, based on something from your past that might not reign true in the present? Rewrite your own book of truths and become the person you always wanted to be – a great Dad.



I'm not a writer by trade so I hope this all makes sense. As always, if it doesn't, feel free to reply or comment or send me an email.

I would also like to include some links in the future for resources for us men. Stay tuned for that.

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